That Which I Desire
An original fiction written by Meghan White
She lowered her head to the base of his chin and grazed her teeth over it. He could feel her pinning him down, and as she continued to kiss him down the side of his neck, he felt an urge, which turned to a need to take over the situation.
He breathed out heavily and groaned, shifting as he tried to place her on the side of him. She whispered something, but he couldn't hear; the blood rushed in his ears as he laid her back, lifting his gaze to meet hers. She seemed scared, and he might have heard a whimper before her eyes rolled back into her head.
Their pulses raced, and his senses focused on the sound of her heart as he laid himself on top of her. He kissed her as she had kissed him, down the nape of her neck and behind her ear, all the while feeling his own arousal. It had never happened before, this type of feeling, but he acted on his instincts without thinking. From the reaction this girl was having, he knew he was doing the right thing. She began focusing on the button of his pants, her hands grazed lower and lower causing him even more of an urge to do what his instincts told him.
He closed his eyes and felt her relax under him as he slipped his teeth through the first layer of skin. She cried out in passion, or was it pain?
He sat up in bed and felt a drop of sweat trickle from his forehead.
"Damn it!" he slammed his fist onto the bed feeling another drop; a salty one from underneath his eyelid.
He swallowed the forming lump in his throat and stood, shifting his underwear as his hardness faded. Looking into the mirror, he studied his reflection; his eyes were red rimmed from the sleepless nights he had had, but the light blue irises made a strong contrast to their tear streaked surroundings. His black hair hung down in separated strands, unwashed since the morning before. He took a quick sip of water and wiped the sweat from his hairless chin and upper lip.
The boy stepped back into his room, glancing at the clock to see that it was once again three o'clock in the morning. It seemed to have been every night for the past week that he came awake around that time. Sighing to himself, he slipped back under the covers and settled back onto the bed. Sleep came and stayed for rest of the night.
Chapter one: The Assignment
"More?" she asked, and without and answer slid two pieces of barely cooked bacon onto his plate.
"Thank you," he replied, immediately biting into one of the slices.
"Damien if you don't hurry up you'll be late. I don't know why you scheduled your classes so early if you can't wake yourself up in time," she chastised him, already working on the dishes.
" I scheduled them this early so I could get some restaurant quality food. Otherwise I’d actually have to make an effort" Damien replied, eyeing his mother under his raised brow.
She slapped him lightly in the head with a dishtowel "First day of college and you're already getting lazy," she teased, smirking as she looked him over. "Dame, are your dreams coming back? You look tired."
He interrupted by standing and slipping the black trenchcoat over his shoulders, "I gotta go mom. I'll be back around two," he left no room for interruption as he grabbed his backpack and began walking out.
The woman frowned and grabbed the paper bag on the counter. "Those damned dreams" she whispered to herself, trotting out of the kitchen and opening the front door. "You forgot this!" she threw and he turned and caught it. The actions were as well carried out as a basketball play. He waved his thanks and opened the door to his car, dumping his bag and the newly acquired lunch onto the passenger seat before getting in.
She watched him drive away with a concerned look on her face.
"He's in college and he still dresses like one of those freaks! I can't believe you let him pierce his tongue!"
Genevieve looked over to her neighbor and gave the other woman a scathing look. "I’m so sorry it bothers you, but I'm not about to chain him in the basement and make him wear varsity sweaters. He's a perfectly well mannered boy, and that's all that counts," she stated before turning to go into the house. As a thought occured to her though, she stopped just before she stepped in. "And anyway, a tongue ring is nothing compared to a tattoo of a peace symbol on your ass!" she added, shutting the door behind her.
"I HAD THAT REMOVED!" Gen heard from inside the door. She smiled and walked back into the kitchen, once again whispering to herself and the empty house. "He’s a perfectly well mannered boy."
- - - - - -
click . click. click . Finger nails tapped on the desk. She couldn't help it, she was nervous. It was her third semester at this college and she still got the jitters on the first day. Her green eyes scanned every person that walked in after her and sat down. Most walked in with friends, speaking loudly so the entire class would know that they were popular enough to 'score' free drinks from older men, or stay out the night before the first day and get drunk. Some even held ten minute conversations on the redness around their eyes. She sighed lightly and rolled her own eyes, knowing this would be another friendless class.
The teacher droned on, and she began to regret waiting until third semester to take Biology 101. She had been lucky enough to get the teacher who never assigned homework, but as he began to explain his 'catch', she felt the doom begin to rise in her mind.
"The semester project will actually make up fifty percent of your grade. You'll need one partner, and your homework time will be spent with this person. So choose wisely, people! These will be your best friends for the semester. And more importantly, your ticket to an A, which is expected of each of you."
She tuned out after that, slowly drowning in her worries as she glanced around the classroom, noticing the looks people were giving each other, already choosing partners silently. She looked down at her desk thinking that the could still drop the class, it was only the first day.
She shook her head as she remembered how much of a pain that process could be, and figured that if she could just bear with it, it might pass by quickly. Grin and bear it, she thought, or at least bear it.
"Tilman, Savannah Tilman" the sound of her own name brought her out of her reverie, and she looked up as her stomach dropped.
"Who will be your partner?"
Savannah looked around quickly, not knowing what to do. "I .. uhm.. I don't know." she dropped her gaze in a nervous gesture and glared at the desk. 'Yeah sure, assume I already know people in this class,' she sighed to herself.
"Alright then, lets see.. Black, Va..Vlad.." he struggled with the name.
"I go by my middle name, Damien." A male voice spoke from the back of the room. Savannah turned to look at him, as she had a feeling he was be her partner. "Great a foreigner. That or some sort of goth kid." she once again sighed to herself as she gazed over his black attire. Goth types were known for either their drug use, their mental problems, or their incessant depression. This was just getting better and better.
"Alright then Damien, you'll be Savannah's partner" the teacher said, adjusting his glasses and moving onto the next name.
Savannah's attention focused on the boy as he stared at his desk. She figured he would at least be better than one of the drunk jocks. Savannah stood and approached his desk, laying her phone number (which the teacher instructed that they write down) on the edge of it. He handed her his without a word or even a glance, and she sat down.
After what seemed like hours, class was over.
This was going to be a long semester.
- - - - - -
Damien picked at his food. He couldn't deal with this atmosphere as easily as he thought he would be able to. People were more laid back, but generally the same, walking past him as if he didn't exist. Although he knew his dress and attitude weren't exactly inviting. He concluded that maybe it was best that he not make too many friends, especially female ones.
Swallowing a mouthful of his sandwich, he thought more specifically about his biology class. The partner had been assigned was not going to help in his plight. He had not looked at her, but he could tell by her scent that she could be attractive. Scents had always been a defining trait about people in his mind, along with the normal things like looks and mannerisms. His mother had explained it to be yet another quirk of his heritage, which went fine with his other slightly heightened sense. Either way, he knew he would have to face this one day, and eventually acclimate himself to the 'normal' world. It would just need to be taken one step at a time. One very careful step at a time. .
"Hey, you got a light?"
Damien looked up to the young boy and shook his head. "Sorry, man"
The boy just nodded and walked away. A sigh escaped his lips as he bit into his sandwich once again.
- - - - - -
Savannah dropped her books on the floor and sighed heavily. The cat meowed at her and she waved it away "Mishi, give me five minutes hun".
She moved into the kitchen slowly and went through her usual routine, first pouring herself a glass of water and then moving to the fridge to get the cat food. She glanced at her work schedule and sighed to herself. If it wasn't school, it was work. At least there she had a few friends, but work was work.She was tired now, and the need for a nap warred with her need for money.
As she moved back into the living room, Savannah thought about the homework that might be due in the class after the next day. Thoughts of homework brought back quick memories of her Biology class. Specifically the assignment, in which partners had to meet at least once to come up with a project idea before the next class.
Suddenly she cursed. "I gotta get together with that guy from class before Friday, and it's Wednesday. Thursday I have work, so that's out." she scowled and looked at the clock. It was only 4pm, so she decided to try and get in touch with him. This was just about the strangest thing she had been faced with in a long time. Savannah was just glad to be in a forward mood. he trick was not to dwell on itm just to pick up the phone and get through it quickly, like pulling off a bandaid.
She picked up the phone and dialed the number she pulled out of her pocket. "Yes is Damien at home?"
- - - - - -
"You'd better invite her to dinner, kid".
Damien looked directly at his mother and glared, though he did not reply audibly. Pacing the length of the room, he did his best to keep his attention on the other end of the line. He was perfectly fine talking over the phone, but being social was not one of his best attributes. …. "Well why don’t you just come here for dinner. Tell your parents we're working on the project and you wont have- oh,ok. Well- Yeah, that works. I'll see you in a few. Bye."
Damien hung up the phone. "Great mom, just wonderful," the words came out on a sigh. "She’s got her own place. Sooner or later she'll want to go there."
Gen turned around and interrupted his nervous tirade. "Dame. Just because this girl is your Bio partner doesn't mean she's going to fall at your feet. You really need to get over this. It's been a long time, and you are much older now. Either way, you'll have to deal with females in the future, so you might as well practice while you can. Your father-"
Suddenly Damien turned and Gen flinched "I do not want to hear about my father. He never bothered to hear about me. I'm not him and I'm not like him," his voice was strained, and those piercing eyes were set in such a serious gaze that had she not been used to it,Gen would have been speechless.
"I know," she said in a softer tone, looking down. "I'm sorry. I just need you to know that you'll be ok. You've got such a sweet personality, too sweet to be anything like him."
"I know mom," he said in a calming tone. He needed to watch his temper "I'll just deal with her. You're right... it's not like she'll fal at my feet." Damien shrugged and stood make his way to his own room. "Do me a favor and get the door when she comes."
Gen smiled and started to set the table. She silently hoped this girl was very open minded.
- - - - - - -
It was a nice little place in a nice little neighborhood. In fact, it reminded her of the place she had grown up in. Somehow, her imagination had led her to believe that Damien the goth boy would be holed up in some tiny apartment with five of his friends. So when she stepped into his very normal home, she felt surprisingly calm. Until she actually looked at Damien. A sense of slight shock came from him also, as this was pretty much the first time they actually looked at each other. In a split second she saw only one thing; the ice blue eyes that blinked once as he said hello. She smiled in reply and followed the two to the dinner table.
Savannah’s thoughts ran all over the place at dinner. Once his eyes were off of her own, she talked to his mother about college, and found out that Damien was a freshman. She found herself talking about college, and feeding info about herself to Ms. Genevieve.
" Well I've been working for my Mother's company for years, so I was able to save enough for a place of my own. And since I've stayed there, they have me on a good pay. I guess I’m really lucky to be in the place I'm in, but I still want something more," she tried not to babble, but she found herself doing so. She stopped as she bit into a piece of the roast, and was about to go on when she tasted a tang to the meat. Savannah glanced down to find that the crisp outer layer was the lining to a barely cooked slice of meat. She had never seen beef cooked so rare.
Damien must have seen her look, because for the first time that evening he looked directly at her and spoke more than four words. "Oh. I'm sorry, we should have asked how you liked your meat. My mother likes try ...new things when it comes to cooking." he smirked as his mother shot him a look and Savannah blinked. Maybe it was the smooth tone, or the charismatic smirk that changed her perception of him, but she found herself attracted to Damien. It was almost a blunt attraction, one that she had not experienced before.
"No no! " she smiled, breaking her own reverie quickly and focusing on her manners. "I’m an unexpected guest! And I sort of like the tang it has to it. The spices are great." She smiled to Ms Gen.
Savannah kept her eyes off of Damien for the rest of dinner.
- - - - - - -
Damien had chosen to sit at his computer and type out a list of ideas as she went through the book and read them to him. He took this time to observe Savannah, because he knew there would be no better time than when her view of him was obstructed.
While his social skills had never been great, his observational skills were excellent. At first, he had viewed Savannah as cookie-cutter twenty something, but the more he looked, the more interested he became. It could just be the fact that she was close enough for him to pick up her scent, and she had stuck around long enough to start a conversation.
She wasn't what society would call anything 'special', but Damien had a much different way of categorizing. She had brown hair with light bangs parted down the middle, framing her cream colored face. She wore no make up; she didn’t need to. Her clothes were plain, but they framed her body well. The outer seam of her jeans ran straight up her leg in perfect proportion, and her shirt hung loosely over her shoulders, dipping into a V that showed the smooth, lightly freckled collar area. She looked up to him, and her eyes seemed to take over, the deep green seeming to bore straight to his soul.
"Damien?"
He nearly jumped, and at the same time was immensely glad his lower half was hidden beneath a computer desk. "Ah.. I'm, sorry. Just trying to word this right," he smiled and raised his brows, signaling for her to go on. Damien focused on the screen for as long as he could, but still, he found that his mind brought him thoughts against his own will. As much as he didn't want to, he had a feeling that he would need to consult his mother after this"study session".
- - - - -
'Okay. This is not good.' Savannah repeated the phrase in her head a few times before reading another part of the list again. She hadn't been attrqacted to anyone in so long that the butterflies seemed extra heavy. This guy was totally winning her over, and all he did was stare at her for a few seconds and laugh at her stupid attempt at a joke. Savannah bit her lip and squeezed her eyes, keeping her view of book in focus. She was not going to get into another relationship. Not yet. There wouldn't be a risk until after college, and she was not going to suscept herself to the pains of a relationship again. This was not the time to go for some guy just because he had gorgeous eyes. She read another word and sneered to herself. It wasn't just his eyes, it was his voice, his hair, there was something deeper. The dark clothes he wore didn't at all reflect the attitude he seemed to emulate.
"Ok that's it" he said, standing up and stretching. She had to look up at this point, and did so with a pained look on her face.
"I’m sure my mother's got snacks in the kitchen if you're interested. I wouldn't want to kick you out so soon," he said, approaching the door "Do you want me to bring something or, " he led the question to a dead end, which gave her the option of excusing herself for the night. Something inside of her took over. She had nothing to be guilty about; she didn’t have a boyfriend, she was old enough to make her own decisions, and if she wanted to stay and possibly get to know this handsome guy, she could.
"Sure" she said with a smile, closing her book. "I'll have whatever you have"
He smiled back politely and opened the door. "You can turn on the TV if you want, the controller's on the bedstand" he said as he closed the door behind him.
Savannah looked around the room, resisting the girlish urge to snoop around and reached for the controller. She flicked on the tv and flipped around a little, letting her eyes wander around his room. It was definitely a guy's room. Band posters sprinkled the beige colored walls, and dark curtains adorned the window. He apparently collected action figures, which were all lined up in pristine order on a small bookcase on one side of the room. When she heard footsteps, she focused on the television again, trying not to look 'posed' when he entered the room again.
- - - - - - -
He set the cups on the table and cracked the ice container. "I can't just tell her to leave, and truthfully, I feel good knowing she'll be here a while more." He looked down " I'm being a dork, aren't I? I mean, is this normal? It's been like two and a half hours,"
his mother sighed. "I don't know what to tell you. I can just say that crushes do come quickly, and they are a wild ride. But you are in college, so a crush could turn into something more. She's older and if you're serious about getting to know her, you'll have to know its a commitment. Especially with you."
Damien placed the cups on a tray and took a few bowls from her. "Exactly! With me it turns out to be a disaster! I can't tell if this is just a carnal desire or a need for companionship. I really don’t trust myself either way..."
She placed a hand on his shoulder as he walked out "Well I think its time you do. Until you trust yourself, life will be very lonely. Just remember; only you can control you. Don't let your father-"
He smirked right at the end and Gen didn't need to finish. She knew it was the right fuel,and this could be a better place to keep his anger. "I'll be in my room writing, so don't worry about me bugging you, " she said flicking the lights of the kitchen off.
He nodded, and made his way back to his room. They were on separate ends of the ranch-style house. He was, after all, a college age boy who needed his privacy. Still, she thanked god that she had such a close relationship with her son, otherwise he probably could have become the monster her neighbor thought he was.
- - - - - -
She got up as soon as he entered carrying a tray, reaching to grab something to help him out. "It seems kind of partridge family, but she loves having guests." He said handing her a cup and can of soda.
"Oh I forgot to thank her for dinner!" Savannah said, standing. Damien smiled and held a hand up "Don't worry, she's glad you liked it. I'll tell her you said thanks," he took a seat on the chair by the bed and grabbed the remote.
Savannah smiled and sat back on the bed. "She’s really cool"
Damien nodded in response as he looked at the TV. "Nothing's on?"
Savannah shrugged.
They flipped around before finding an old SNL rerun. Comedy proved to be the best ice-breaker; within a half hour they were both on the bed, him sitting against the headboard, and her laying on her stomach with her head propped up on one of his pillows.
"I hope you don’t mind me staying. Is there a time you usually go to bed?" Savannah asked, realizing she’d been there for awhile.
"Yeah. Usually around eleven or so, but that's only because I have nothing to do. I actually like having some company for once." He said staring at the TV.
Savannah smiled " I know exactly what you mean,"
she had run thoughts of how strange it was to be laying on a bed with a guy she’d met less than a day before. In the end she felt more comfortable with him than some of her best friends. Eventually, she ruled out any strange thoughts in favor of simply enjoying the companionship. She had made the decision to let whatever happens happen. She felt happy, and that was all that counted.
"So, if I can ask, what's your first name?" she asked, suddenly remembering the class.
Damien quirked a side of his mouth, studying her once again. Her direction on the bed made it hard for her to look back at him so she rarely did. This gave him more time to observe her actions. "Vladislav." he simply sat and gave her time to register the odd name.
She actually sat up and turned to him, pulling a leg up to her chest and wrapping her arms around it. "Now where exactly do your ancestors come from to get that name?"
He looked down for a second, "I don't exactly know. All I do know is that my father insisted on my being named that way."
Savannah blinked.
Damien went on "I don't know my father, he left when I was young"
She nodded with a small "ohhh.."
He smiled a little "No reason to get all sad." he trailed his eyes over her face slowly "tell me about you. Any specific reason for the severe public shyness? I can use my dad as an excuse for mine. " He grinned so widely Savannah couldn't help laughing. This guy, whom she had originally thought to be a dark, dreary depressed soul was so filled with life she felt herself emulating him. She wondered if he knew the effect of his endearing charisma. With a small smile, she went on to tell him things that she herself had nearly forgotten.